Check Out These 45 Hilarious Tweets From Wives Who Definitely Know How To Have A Good Laugh!
If you’ve ever been married, or know someone who has, chances are you’ve heard the jokes about matrimony. From bickering over mundane tasks to struggling with who leaves the cap off the toothpaste tube, there’s plenty that brings a laugh when it comes to marriage.
Thankfully, many wives don’t take themselves too seriously and have turned these experiences into hilarious tweets! Keep reading to see what they’ve come up with…
Don't Just Joke Around - Apologize Properly!
When it comes to marriage, it pays to stay on the safe side and not make jokes that could offend your other half. Sure, you may think a joke here or there won’t do any harm… but don’t be so sure. If you find yourself having to explain what you just said was only a joke, it’s already too late!
Instead of getting carried away by your humor and rushing to say “it was a joke” as an excuse afterwards, just take the time to apologize properly for anything that may come off as offensive.
A Father Folding His Reputation?!
It’s no secret that women do the bulk of household chores. And because of this, many men just don’t have a clue what to do when it comes to ironing, cooking, vacuuming… even looking after their own kids! It’s truly mind-boggling.
That’s why we could totally sympathise with this wife who threatened her husband with justifiable homicide! When asked to help fold the laundry he thought it was okay to simply fold his own?? Outrageous!
Let’s Argue Out Loud Again - The Joy of Escaping the Home
2020 has been a long and challenging year filled with lockdowns, quarantines, and other public health regulations. Couples everywhere have had to get used to the new normal – cooped up in their homes, arguing in private instead of out loud! But this tweeting wife can’t wait to start having animated debates with her husband in public again.
There’s nothing quite like having a row at the grocery store, a barney in the parking lot, or yelling matches at the movies! Here’s hoping that 2021 brings us all joyous moments for disagreements out of the house instead of indoors.
"It's Snipe Time!" - The Perfect One-Liners for Married Life
Married life can often feel like a battlefield… and we all know how much fun it is to “snipe” at your partner! To loosen up the atmosphere, why not come armed with a snarky one-liner? According to the dictionary, sniping is making a “sly or petty verbal attack”, so go ahead and tease your partner about leaving cereal bowls in the sink or not being able to pick out clothes!
But don’t worry, there’re still plenty of ways that married life can be an enjoyable experience. Why not try something like this: “Hey hon’, chew your food like you’re avoiding murder hornet attacks!” That should get everyone laughing around the dinner table!
The 'Squeeze' That Keeps Them Together - A Wedding Vow Fulfilled!
For many couples, the words “in sickness and in health” mean so much more than being there for each other when times get tough. For one married couple, it means looking out for each other even with the little things!
To this wife, her husband’s “sickness” was an inability to squeeze a toothpaste tube properly – a seemingly small problem that could potentially have led to long-term ones if not taken care of quickly. But no worries, they came up with a fantastic solution! They made sure that their pledge of everlasting love included such minor but necessary details too.
Dashing Dreamers or Hilarious Hotheads?
Tweeting about marriage gives us a glimpse into the real-world reality that is often left out of romantic comedies. You know what we mean — those glossy sets with perfect kitchens, where the air is filled with non-stop laughter and hugs. In reality, married life can be a tad messier than that.
Take this hilarious tweet as an example – a pair of excited dreamers planning to open up their own restaurant only to have it end in divorce! Who needs Hallmark when you have Twitter!? The crazy stuff couples do will never cease to amaze us!
Oh No, She Called Him The "IT Guy": Working From Home With Your Spouse Doesn't Have to be a Horror Show!
2020 has been anything but usual, and working from home with your spouse is something that many couples have had to learn. We’ve watched in amusement as tweets of marital tension over work-life balance flood the internet. But it doesn’t have to be this way!
Take for example this poor wife who roped her husband into becoming her “IT guy” – we all know how well that worked out on The IT Crowd sitcom! Fortunately, there are ways to ease tensions while cohabitating and working together. Designate separate workspaces; create clear boundaries; be supportive; and take breaks… The list goes on! So consider these tips before you find yourself in an IT fiasco of hilarity (or tragedy!).
Marriage: From True Love to Turn Up the Volume!"
When you first exchange vows, helping your spouse is second nature. Coming to their aid with a, “do you need help, my love?” or “can I bring you something, my dear?” is as easy as turning off the TV and standing up.
But fast forward several years and oh boy! A wife’s response could easily be to just turn up the volume on whatever show she’s watching when her spouse calls. Marriage evolves over time, sometimes in ways we wouldn’t expect!
The Realities of Marriage - Just Like Reality TV!
Do you ever feel like your marriage is a lot like watching reality television? From The Real Housewives franchise to others, it’s often full of yelling and finger pointing – everyone just has to get their screaming out and then things go back to normal.
On these shows, cast members are constantly outraged by someone doing something they themselves are guilty of! They’ll yell, “stop yelling!”, “don’t shout at me”, while still shouting themselves. So next time you’re in such a situation, remember it may be a performance, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be entertaining either!
Save Yourself From Unpleasant Smells and Habits – Just Marry Someone Else
It’s the most natural thing in the world to spend one’s life with a partner. Unfortunately, living with another person also brings along some rather unpleasant habits and scents. Smelly shoes after a long run or a gaseous explosion after downing Doritos!
But hey, don’t let that stop you from making your vows – you just have to choose the right partner! This wife knew what she was talking about when she said she’d divorce her husband if he kept polluting her air with his unrefined farts; and we don’t blame her one bit!
A Plea for Equitable Relationships: "Stay in the Costco Line, Husband!"
Relationships are not just about receiving gifts and glory; they’re also about give and take. While it’s rare to find a perfect 50/50 dynamic, we can all strive to get closer. Want proof? Just listen to this wife’s plea: “Come on man, do your part and stay in that Costco line, you can pick up a bag of ice while you’re at it!”
Let’s remember that relationships involve both parties’ effort and commitment. When everyone is working together towards balance, relationships become so much more fulfilling!
Love Grows Differently for Everyone: A Tale of Two Neighbors
Relationships are like snowflakes, no two are alike. For some, ‘I love you’ needs only be said occasionally for it to have maximum impact. Others shout their love from mountain tops and can’t stop gushing their adoration.
Take our neighbor: she enjoys making sour comments about her husband, but everyone knows they’re madly in love. On the opposite side, there’s another couple that she dubs “psychopaths” due to their unapologetic public displays of affection. Whether it’s a grandiose declaration, or an every day gesture, they’re all part of what makes relationships so special and unique.
"Okey Dokey, Artichokey!" - A Tale of Opposites Attracting in Marriage
We all know that opposite personalities attract. Think of the controlling, uptight person who’s head-over-heels for their laid back, mellow partner! Or the hilarious one who loves their serious counterpart! That magic is on full display right here with our couple: A wife instantly repulsed by her husband’s (frankly adorable) phrase – “Okey dokey, Artichokey.”
Clearly these two are polar opposites but with a chemistry that just works. So c’mon folks, let’s celebrate love and embrace differences
Spoon Shock: Does Your Husband Have an Undiscovered Eating Habit?
This wife was taken aback when she discovered her husband had a weird, yet undiscovered habit – eating spaghetti with a spoon!
While many people do this because they heard Italians twirl their spaghetti with a spoon, it’s actually a food myth. So, if your husband is guilty of the same crime, then it’s time for him to desist!
He Stole Her Heart, Not Her Hand: A Tale of Gender-Bending Heroics
Forget all you think you know about marriage, this couple is flipping the script and redefining everything! Say goodbye to antiquated traditions such as the white dress or the father “giving away” his daughter.
This fabulously fearless duo are proving that love and compatibility matter much more than property and finances. Meet your modern-day gender-bending heroes who won’t let dated customs get in their way of living – and loving – life to the fullest!
Let's Get Real: Farting is Not Funny!
We know how it goes, a fart joke and everyone laughs. But when you’re in close proximity to someone else’s “stink bombs”, the reality of it isn’t so funny. Take this poor wife, who was made to spoon her husband just so he could cover her with his funky odor!
It may be no big deal for other people, but for us, that would be an immediate deal-breaker! Sure the word itself might be funny and the idea maybe amusing… but there’s nothing humorous about an actual fart.
Pillow People Unite! Discover the Art of Throw Pillow Arrangement
Are you a pillow person? You know who you are, those whose hearts flutter at the sight of plush pillows in all shapes, textures, and sizes. You savor every moment that allows you to lovingly arrange them on your bed or couch. To others, it may seem complex, but to pillow people like us, it’s an art form we can’t get enough of!
This tweet perfectly encapsulates the dynamic between those who understand and appreciate this ‘quasi-obsession’ and those who don’t. So if soft fabrics, designer colors, and creative displays make your heart sing — join the club today!
"Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish!" - AI Puts Ex-Husbands in Their Place
This former wife’s tweet serves as a perfect example of why Artificial Intelligence can be our best, or worst, friend. She got away from her “trash bag husband”, only for him to reappear on a dating app – those pesky algorithms!
She even joked that leaving a review on his profile would have been the ideal solution. A funny yet serious suggestion, perhaps there is something we can do with innovative technology like this? Ex-husbands had better watch out!
Unconventional Pillow Talk for Married Couples!
Married life isn’t quite what the movies make it out to be. While husbands don’t shower wives with compliments or bouquets every day, they still take notice of the little things.
For this husband, it was his wife’s soft and smooth bed sheets that won him over – truly defining “pillow talk” for married couples! Absolutely amazing indeed. Who knew snuggling into luxurious linens after a long day could be so romantic?
The Chips Don't Lie: You Only Live Once!
It’s no secret that life during quarantine can be a bit annoying. From the mundane to the downright frustrating, Twitter is here to help us share our struggles and enjoy a much-needed chuckle! Take this wife for example, who is obviously exasperated with her husband’s chip-hoarding habit.
She’s wondering how exactly, in the context of yesterday’s news and tomorrow’s uncertainties, does one pass up an opportunity for chips? Surely somewhere between stressing over employment and homeschooling lies a chance to savor more. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, let go with some delicious comfort food and remind yourself – you only live once!
Couples: Cut the Bedding Tiffs and Sleep Divorce!
Recently we’ve been hearing a lot about the new concept of ‘sleep divorce’ – when couples choose to sleep separately in order to get a good night’s rest. But one tweeter had a phenomenal solution: why not cut out all those bedding-related tiffs? That’s right – no more “give me the blanket!” arguments for you!
After all, who knew that sleeping apart could be the key to marital harmony? So if your marriage is suffering from late night disagreements over blankets and pillows, it might be time to consider ‘divorcing’ your beds.
Marriage-Speak 101 - Learn the Lingo!
Ever been in a marriage? Ever heard something like, “with all due respect…” and immediately knew what that meant? That’s marriage-speak for you! A huge part of being married is developing your own shorthand. Yes, there are those cute nicknames you call each other, but also those funny abbreviated words that only couples can understand.
But more importantly is the “argumentative shorthand” – be it huffiness or subtext – both parties instinctively know where they stand when dialogue starts getting dicey. So next time your partner uses something like, “with all due respect” , you know what that really means!
2020 Relationship Dynamics - From 2 Hours to Just 2 Minutes!
We’re all well aware of the fact that relationships and marriages change over time. But 2020 has undoubtedly raised the stakes with its completely new relationship dynamics. In this unprecedented year, couples are facing the unimaginable challenge of being locked down together and handling work, social life AND family life under one roof!
Let’s just say that it definitely can be a lot. This hilarious tweet captures it all so perfectly – how what used to take two whole hours of annoyance between a husband and wife has now been brutally cut down to just two minutes in 2020! Talk about a transformation!
"Out!" - An Entertaining Tale of an Unusual Breakfast: 2020 Edition!
2020 has been a year that challenged even the most devoted couples. With endless hours to scrutinize each other’s every move, it can be easy to be on edge. Take this humorous story: A husband makes breakfast in an unusual way and his wife finally exclaims, “out!”.
It will have you laughing out loud as we remember how silly arguments between couples can often become! Such is marriage during quarantine times – one moment of peace and tranquility followed by loads of hilarity!
Time to Notice Those Annoying Habits!
No matter how much love you have for your significant other, there are always those little habits that end up getting on your nerves. From taking too long to get ready, to always cracking the same jokes, these things may have been cute in the beginning – but they get old quickly.
One wife decided to take this phenomena even further and charted the relationship between marriage length and sneezing volume! So if you’re married and thinking, “wow, my partner sneezes way more than I remember when we first got together” – don’t worry; it happens with most couples eventually. Gesundheit!
A Fresh (and Fun!) Take on Compromise in Relationships
It’s no secret – relationships require compromise. Over time, couples learn to negotiate who will be taking care of which unpleasant tasks. But instead of arguing over who gets the short end of the stick, this couple has moved away from quarreling and opted for a unique approach – rock, paper, scissors!
It might not seem like it, but it’s a fun and practical way to settle disagreements. So next time you need to decide who should take out the trash or clean up after your pet – don’t forget to break out your scissors!
Against the Grain – Who Will Win: Basmati or Jasmine?
When it comes to finding someone special and being in a relationship for the long haul, at some point you just have to talk about all the points that matter – from deep, meaningful conversations on the questions of life, to totally goofy discussions such as… different types of rice!
That’s right. From fluffy white Basmati grains with their nutty aroma, to slender Jasmine strands with its unique fragrance, it makes for quite a heated debate! So if you ever find yourself in an argument about which type of rice is better for dinner tonight, you can thank us later!
Me Time is Non-Negotiable!
This heartwarming story will prove that alone time, regardless of how much you adore your partner, should never be compromised. Introverts, and mothers especially, need some respite from the hustle and bustle of life to recharge.
In this instance, the husband was likely trying to do a good thing by offering his wife a break from grocery shopping duty, but she wanted her own “me time”. Truly an inspiring tale for all the partners out there who understand that taking time for yourself is essential and non-negotiable!
The Shopping Cart Mania - A Husband's Journey to Home Improvement
We’ve all done it before – we walk into a store and get so carried away that the next thing we know, our shopping cart is full of the weirdest items. We think that these products will transform our lives, make things way better! “This hair barrette will change my life!”, you say. But really? We’re fooled by this trick every single time.
On the other hand, some wives know their husbands’ shopaholic behavior like the back of their hand and they often wait in vain for their purchases to result in DIY house improvements! Unfortunately, with most husbands out there, it never happens.
My Husband Does a Double Take...But For Everything!
This wifely tweet is sure to make you chuckle! There’s the resignation and cynicism of a long-term spouse along with a hilarious punch-line.
Her husband proudly brags that he did a double-take when he saw her for the first time. Aww, how sweet, right? However, it’s made even funnier by what else he does double-takes for too! Who says married life can’t be comical?
A Little Missed Pat Was All It Took - The Story of Two Lovebirds' Quirky Rules!
Couples in love like to develop their own set of rules – whether it’s saying goodbye before heading out or complimenting each other on their looks. But for this particular doting duo, something as simple as a ‘butt pat’ became the defining factor in the “unwritten rules” that they lived by!
They showed love and appreciation by always patting each other’s behind, it was a gesture that was special and meant something. Nobody could’ve predicted that missing out on this small gesture could send them into such a tizz – but it just goes to show, sometimes little things really do matter!
Crunch time: Get your Nosh On While Watching Movies
Are you one of those who takes their sweet time and gently opens snacks during a movie? Or do you dive right in, without waiting for any breaks before rustling the bag? Whether you’re methodical or fast-paced, it’s always fun to get your nosh on while watching films!
For those that rustle away, pausing the TV or waiting for a loud part of the movie is optimal. But don’t worry if you’re more impulsive – just crack open that Diet Coke and crunch away at your bag of chips and Sour Patch Kids. Enjoy every second!
When in Doubt, Just Add More Throw Pillows!
When it comes to expressing your negative feelings, there’s passive aggression and then there’s just aggression. Passive aggression might involve strategically placed throw pillows to make a point, while throwing the phone out the window is not so passive.
But when all else fails, this wife found that simply buying more throw pillows was her way of exhibiting passive aggression! After all, if there’s one thing you don’t mess with, it’s a person’s love for their throw pillows…the stakes are just too high!
A Husband's Quarantine Ukulele Fiasco
It appears that the 2020 quarantine has created a unique challenge for one particular couple. His love of the ukulele was not shared by her, so she resorted to locking herself in the bathroom to save her sanity. Unfortunately, he was only getting started on his new instrumental journey!
Maybe if this wife had access to a magical Beat It Button, things would be different. But alas, no such thing exists – at least not yet. In the meantime, this poor man will just have to put away his ukulele and find another hobby… or risk being locked in the bathroom himself!
Say Goodbye to Weekdays and Weekends as 2020 Blurs the Lines!
2020 has been a really long year and it’s no wonder we sometimes lose track of what day it is. With more and more people working from home, the difference between a weekday and weekend has blurred into one continuous stream of days that feel so similar you can’t tell one apart from another.
Take this funny story for example – when a husband asked his wife, “what is today?”, she responded with, “I’m in no mood for riddles!” We can certainly relate! So, here’s to living in this new world of indistinguishable days – goodbye weekdays and weekends, hello every-day-is-the-same day!
Mom's Surprising Response to Her Daughter Asking How She’s Managed a 55-Year Marriage
Want the secret behind a long, successful marriage? One daughter did and her mom had an interesting answer. Dancing in the kitchen? No. Eating dinner together? Not quite! So what’s the magical advice from fifty-five years of matrimony? The key was simply hating each other…but on the right days!
Sounds off, but think about it, animosities between couples can be put aside. The beauty of a relationship lies in having passionate arguments and equally passionate reconciliation. That way animosity doesn’t build up. So perhaps there is something to mom’s advice – hating each other efficiently might be the essential ingredient!
Mastermind of Marital Teasing - This Wife's Hilarious Joke on Her Husband!
This wife is sure to give other couples a good laugh, as she never fails to make her one and only husband feel like he’s not the only one for her. She keeps introducing him as her “first husband”, a joke that verges on being a little mean and usually made about women.
Naturally, we hope that the husband isn’t feeling replaceable, especially since they are both taking equal pleasure in teasing each other! After all, marriage is serious enough without having to worry about who comes first or last.
He Can't Believe His Eyes - Flirty Fun in a Long-term Relationship
There’s a comfort and familiarity that often comes with being in a long-term relationship. You know each other inside out, from the days your partner picks their toe nails to when they look their greasiest. But there’s something special about showing your significant other that you still care after all these years.
One wife decided to spice things up by sending her husband a cute picture and what followed was truly baffling! So even if the passion has cooled off, there are always new ways for couples to keep things fresh and exciting. Add some spice back into your relationship today!